$Retardle

The Retardle Story

The journey of a special turtle who changed the crypto world

Part 1: The Sip That Changed Everything

I was thirsty.

There was this glowing puddle behind the nuclear plant.

I thought, "Hey, water's water."

Now my shell's lumpy, and numbers are hard.

But I feel... different. Like, chosen.

I tried to hang with the other turtles.

They laughed at my face.

Said my eyes don't look in the same direction.

I laughed too, but they still left.

That's when I learned what "ugly inside" really means.

I found crypto.

It felt like a place where being weird was normal.

I aped into TurboTurtle, FastFlop, and RocketGex.

Every coin rugged me. Every single one.

But I kept buying. Because maybe the next one gets me.

One day I just said screw it.

Made my own coin: $RETARDLE.

No utility. No devs. Just vibes.

It took off.

People started calling me a visionary. I think that means genius.

Now they all want me.

The same turtles that laughed are in my DMs.

I do interviews I don't understand.

Turtle girls scream when I show up.

I still don't get charts, but it doesn't matter.

I made it.